Behind the Amber Eyes
by SydneyFallow
Summary: Death. Lots of death. That's what Sorreltail knows. And while she tries her hardest to keep strong and seem as if nothing is bothering her, it begins to become more and more apparent that not even the toughest cats can keep everything in...


And, so, it happened to be the morning of his return on which Sorreltail gave up he'd ever come back. Her last family member, gone. The last cat even remotely related to her, deceased. She had the kits, what was left of them, and her loving mate who she'd do anything for. But him, _him_, he was blood. He was from the same mother. They were never as close as Sorreltail had wished. But it seemed that that sort of fate had befallen Sorreltail many times before, and would continue to befall her for many moons in the future.

She had wished to know Whitestorm better, her father, who undoubtedly loved her and who died during her kithood;

And there was Willowpelt, torn apart mercilessly by a badger during her apprenticeship;

Sootfur, brother, killed fighting badgers and never able to live his life;

And her mate's sister, Cinderpelt, practically forced into medicineship, and whom Sorreltail watched die while she delivered her kits;

Rainwhisker, her other brother, who also was unable to enjoy warrior life at it's best because he died so young from a falling tree;

Her only son, Molepaw, dead to a terrible disease;

And now, half-brother Graystripe, out of her reach, and into the desperate ones of Twolegs.

"Hey," Brackenfur said, creeping up on his mate as she stood unsuspectingly. "Come, Honeypaw wants to show you her new hunting skills." Sorreltail drew her eyes away from the ground where a few beetles scuttled uncontrollably and placed her gaze into her mate's eyes. Brackenfur's eyes shown with undying love and she attempted to purr. The rumble was not produced. Sorreltail suddenly looked away, grief-stricken.

"I miss them all," she murmured. "Every last one, and I can't do anything about it. I'm not like Leafpool. I can't speak with StarClan. But if I could, there's so much I would say."

Brackenfur rubbed his silky fur against her. "They are watching you, protecting you."

Sorreltail shook her head. "They can protect me, but they cannot protect the ones I love." She laid her head against Brackenfur's chest. "Please don't ever leave me. I don't know how I'd be able to go on."

The tom leaned down and licked the crown of his mate's head. "Why would I leave you if I love you?" he purred, colliding his tail with hers until they were wrapped around in a perfect curve of love. "Just don't ever die," she responded, turning and walking towards her kits, waiting patiently for their parents outside the apprentice's den.

"Show me these hunting skills of yours," Sorreltail meowed, watching in pure joy as her daughters vied for Sorreltail and Brackenfur's approval.

* * *

After everyone who had known Graystripe had been able to talk to him, Sorreltail and Brackenfur, and their kits approached the warrior. And while Brackenfur groomed the kits of their uncontrolled fur, Sorreltail spoke with Graystripe.

"I was all alone," she murmured. "I had Brackenfur, and the kits, but Graystripe, I was all alone. My brothers are gone, and my son. Graystripe, it's just you and me left."

The gray warrior blinked solemnly at his half-sister. "Sorreltail, I am so sorry, I-I wish I could have been here, and-"

Sorreltail shook her head at Graystripe. "I just missed you, okay? And I don't know what I want you say, but it's not sorry. I want you to say...say that...say that you missed me, and that..."

"They were good cats, Sorreltail. We have a great family," he purred, leaning against his sister and pointing his fuzzy tail at the sky. "They lead me back here. Surely if they wished a terrible life for you they'd let me die. Sorreltail; this is the way StarClan intended it to be. Now, show me these kits you speak of."

Sorreltail nodded. "Yes..." She flicked her tail for Brackenfur to come forward with the kits.

"Graystripe."

"Brackenfur."

Sorreltail watched as an awkward glance was exchanged between the mentor and apprentice; though you can hardly call Graystripe a mentor to Brackenfur since he spent many moons of Brackenfur's apprenticeship away with Silverstream.

"Well, uhm," Sorreltail began, glancing at her kits who were gazing confusedly but curiously up at their father and this strange new arrival, who smelt of foreign substances and walked around cautious of what others said. "This is Honeypaw, and this is Poppypaw, and here is Cinderpaw. And," pointing to the star-filled sky with her tail, "there, is Molepaw."

Graystripe looked away from his former apprentice and heartily examined the three apprentices. "Strong, tough-faced, quiet, curious. Just like you'll mother. And as for Molepaw, he was probably just the like. I assume these young'uns will be warriors soon? I must say, you seem far past your apprenticeship moons."

"Yes, well," Brackenfur trailed off, shooting a concerned glaze at Sandstorm who sat listening intently while eating a mouse. "I do believe their ceremony is soon."

Cinderpaw's eyes show with appreciation from the praise, and she spoke proudly to the warriors. "Our mentors are giving us the final assessment within the week!" Her voice got higher pitched as she talked because her rump was wiggling in glee. "I can't _wait _to find out what my warrior name will be!"

Graystripe smiled at the apprentice, his normal self shining through as he took the chance to crack a joke. "He'll name you Cindersquirm if you keep it up!"

Poppypaw reached up and batted Cinderpaw on the nose. "That is, if she survives the assessment."

"Hey!" the apprentice shot back, playfully swatting at her sister's tail. Poppypaw reached out and swiped at Cinderpaw's legs, and Cinderpaw took the chance to lean down and bite Poppypaw who laughed, cuffing Cinderpaw's ear. Honeypaw sauntered over, wanting to join in on the friendly fight, but fell back on her haunches with a great yawn.

"Alright, alright. Break it up," Brackenfur meowed, intervening. "I'm sure Firestar has a great name for the three of you, and you'll be getting your name soon enough. In the meantime, you might as well get some sleep."

Sorreltail stepped forward and licked a tuft of wayward fur resting upon Poppypaw's head. "Go on," she said softly, her heart surging with love and joy that all three of her daughters would soon become warriors.

Cinderpaw jolted upright immediately, and turned to Poppypaw and Honeypaw. "Race you to the den!" All three apprentices scurried clumsily across the clearing towards their nests, nearly trampling an unsuspecting Dustpelt along the way.

"Gah, you three aren't kits anymore!" Brackenfur scolded. "Don't stay up too late!"

It was unapparent that any of them had heard their father.

Brackenfur and Sorreltail turned their attention back to Graystripe, who had eyes only for Sorreltail. And while his comments could have been pointed at Brackenfur and Sorreltail simultaneously, the grey tom made it quite apparent that he was talking to only Sorreltail.

"They really are something," he chuckled, obviously remembering his kits. His looked at the ground with such force, Sorreltail thought it might erupt in flames.

Sorreltail touched Graystripe with her paw, then pointed to StarClan, shining brightly as ever tonight. He nodded. "I really hope so."

"Graystripe, wha-" Brackenfur began to speak, but his former mentor cut him off, saying, "It _is _getting quite late, isn't it? Wouldn't you agree, Sorreltail?" He seemed to not be affected at all by what he'd done, seemingly unaware it'd even happened. His eyes sparkled with joy; not playful joy, either. _Schadenfreude_.

The she-cat shook her head, turning her body towards the warrior den but keeping her head facing her brother. Her eyebrows curved inward in hatred. She spoke with an anger she'd never felt before, and the accents and stress in her voice told the story for anyone listening to hear. "I waited _moons _for you, Graystripe. And once or twice I thought you just might not be worth waiting for. But I _loved _you, and _loved _the idea of you, and thought maybe one day you might return. But we moved, Graystripe, and then I realized you weren't _ever _coming back to ThunderClan. And then by some miracle, you did. By some miracle, you defeated the odds, defeated _Twolegs _for StarClan's sake, living on borrowed time - who knows who you borrowed it from. You came to find us. I thought you'd be excited to see everyone. I thought you'd forgive and forget. I thought you'd be thankful to even be alive." Sorreltail shook her head again, and precede towards the warrior's den, looking down at the ground and calling over her shoulder, "I guess I was wrong."

Graystripe took a step towards his sister. "Wait, Sorrelta-" Brackenfur held his tail up to stop the tom. Graystripe looked menacingly at the she-cat's mate. "You caused this," he snarled.

"I didn't cause anything!" Brackenfur hissed back. "If you hadn't been out breaking the warrior code, that you were supposed to be teaching me about, then-"

"How _dare _you two fight like badgers in the middle of this camp!" Sandstorm said, coming between the two bickering toms, clearly enraged. "Unacceptable! Graystripe, as deputy, I think you should have known as well, if not better, than anyone else that this behavior is not allowed in camp. And Brackenfur; imagine if your daughters saw you like this." Brackenfur hung his head, blinking softly at the ground.

_What _if _my daughters had seen that_,he thought.

Sandstorm saw Brackenfur's acknowledgement, but she had yet to receive one from Graystripe. Seemingly bored, she concluded her speech about behavior by saying. "I'm too tired for this fox-dung so I'm going to go to sleep. But meanwhile, you two are going to be making up, because ThunderClan needs not more quarrels." She took a break to yawn. "Now, who ever the deputy happens to be tomorrow, whether it you, Graystripe, or someone else, you two will be assigned on patrol together. And if the two of you don't catch at least one piece of prey as a pair, there is going to be some real consequences. One of those consequences might even involve Firestar."

The she-cat said nothing more, just turned around towards her nest in the leader's den, leaving the two toms in a haze. "I sure as StarClan wouldn't want her as a mother," Graystripe muttered. Brackenfur nodded.

"She's right, though," Brackenfur said, turning to look Graystripe in the eye. "We can't quarrel like that, especially if you're deputy."

"Hmph," Graystripe muttered. "I won't be deputy anymore when Firestar hears about this."

Brackenfur shrugged. "Brambleclaw is probably next in line."

"Might as well resign, give the position to someone who knows what's been going on, and who deserves it."

"Graystripe, you deserve the position. Perhaps you haven't been here, but it wasn't your fault."

The gray cat just shrugged. "Sure..." He glanced around the camp and realized that he and Brackenfur were the last cats in the clearing. "Brackenfur, I'm really sorry. I didn't know I'd miss so much. You grew up so quickly..."

Brackenfur took a step towards his former mentor, licking his ear. "It's fine. I know you'd rather be out with Silverstream than training your stupid apprentice," he purred.

"And my stupid apprentice would much rather be with stupid Fireheart than be with his stupid mentor!"

Brackenfur smiled, sighing simply. "Those were some good times, Graystripe. You may not have been the best mentor but you certainly weren't the worst."

The warrior nodded, rubbing his muzzle against Brackenfur's ear. "I didn't want to argue, and I didn't want to not argue. But we've made up and I can't say I'm hating it."

* * *

Millie and Graystripe could be seen the next morning, heads put together. Every once in a while they would glance around the clearing at the other cats who were beginning to come out of their dens.

Suddenly, Sandstorm was in the middle of the clearing, a sleepy Firestar blinking out over his clan from the den's entrance. Sandstorm looked at Brackenfur and Graystripe, on opposite sides of the camp, and flicked her tail. Then, she just walked out - Ferncloud and and her apprentice, Honeypaw, trailing sleepily after.

Graystripe and Brackenfur left their mates, running to join the patrol.

* * *

"That's quite the rabbit you caught there, Brackenfur," Sorreltail purred, rubbing muzzles with him.

He entwined their tails, and turned towards Graystripe who was resting beside Millie again. "It wasn't just me." Graystripe looked up right at that second and their eyes caught. Brackenfur winked.

* * *

"It's happening again, Graystripe. I'm loosing everyone I love."

Sorreltail sat in the back of the warrior den where it was dark and warm. Her back was facing the entrance but she could smell her half-brother behind her. He laid down beside her, their fur touching. "StarClan did it for a reason."

"It could have been Brairkit."

"It could have been _anyone_."

Sorreltail shrugged. "I don't know what to think, Graystripe. She'd just gotten a mate...she was living her life...and then..."

"She was a hero." Graystripe moved his tongue through the fur on her nape. "Come talk to me anytime," he purred, pulling away to allow Brackenfur to lay beside his mate. Sorreltail turned around and curled up within Brackenfur's paws.

They said nothing.

Graystripe backed out of the den. "Crowfood!" he exclaimed, kicking the dirt. He picked a branch off of a tree and snapped it in half in his mouth. He ripped an abandoned moss ball to shreds. He drew scratches in the dirt with his hind paws. He clawed trees and left marks. "It's not fair!" he yelled. Then, looking to the stars he exclaimed, "Why did you send this curse on us? Why our family? You've taken everyone we love!"

Millie came up behind him and put her tail on his shoulder. "Come, rest, Graystripe. Tomorrow will be better." The tom drew his eyes away from the sky and walked solemnly away with Millie.

Sorreltail, Brackenfur, Poppyfrost, Cinderheart, and Berrynose sat vigil that night. For yet another warrior in their family who just _wasn't able to live her life_.

* * *

"Just can't get a break, can we," Sorreltail muttered, looking across the camp, now in shambles.

"Mhmm..." Graystripe responds. "But with someone like Millie as mate I won't have to worry too much about Briarpaw being lonely or uncomfortable."

Sorreltail nodded. "Oh, StarClan..." she murmured, resting her head on Graystripe's shoulder.

"Be angry," he purred, "just don't go breaking things like I did."

Sorreltail mustered the little happiness left inside her to smile at his comment.

* * *

"Briarpaw, in the name of StarClan, I speak these words for the clan to hear; your warrior name will be Brairlight. StarClan honors your courage and spirit."

The brown she-cat nods her head, touching muzzles with Firestar. "Thank you," she whispers.

"It's the least I can do," he responds.

Brackenfur and Sorreltail lean against each other. "Do you want more kits?" he asks softly. Sorreltail is unsure at first but then nods. "Sure, why not." Brackenfur purrs at her and says, "We better start trying." Brackenfur begins to lead Sorreltail out of the camp, but is stopped by someone yelling her name. Brackenfur hisses only to turn around and see it is the new warrior, Bumblestripe.

"Hey Sorreltail, look at me! I'm a warrior now!" Sorreltail smiles at the tom and he smiles back, before turning away to drag his nest from apprentice den to warrior.

Sorreltail turns back around and ushers her mate with her tail. "Go, go, go, before anyone else notices!" The two laughed uncontrolably as they tumbled out the camp.

* * *

"Graystripe?" Seedkit asked her uncle softly. "Why is Sorreltail sleeping like that?"

The gray tom closed his eyes and pointed to the sky with his tail. "She's joined StarClan, Seedkit. So has Ferncloud and Hollyleaf and Firestar."

Lilykit cocked her head. "Can I visit her? When will she wake up?"

"You can't visit her for a very long time, kits. And she won't wake up."

"She left us?" Seedkit gasped, looking scaredly up at the tom.

He shook his head again. "She wouldn't've left you if she had the choice. She died, which means she isn't here in ThunderClan anymore. She's moved onto a better place."

"Died?"

"Yes, she died. Her...her body stopped working, and now she's gone on to live with all the other cats from the clans who died."

Lilykit looked down, sighing. Seedkit mewed, "I love you, ma!" she called. Lilykit nodded and shouted, "I will miss you."

Brackenfur touched his kits' shoulders and pulled them next to their mother's body. "Thank you Graystripe," he murmured, pulling his children gently toward the center of the camp where Sorreltail laid.

Graystripe rested his head against Millie. "Like she said," he muttered, "'it's all happening again.' It's all happening again, Millie! We can't get a break." He closed his eyes, wanting to go breaking things again. "All she wanted to do was live a normal life, Millie, and she couldn't all she had was death."

Millie sighed. "I could have saved her."

"Don't say that," Graystripe huffed.

"But I coul-"

"Don't say it! Just don-"

There was a sudden silence in the clearing as the spirits of all the cats lifted up from their bodies. "Graystripe lied!" the tom heard Seedkit yell. "No, Seedkit. That's Sorreltail's spirit, Seedkit. She's joining the other cats in StarClan."

Sorreltail heard her name, and she turned around to look at her mate. Brackenfur shot up, abandoning his kits, and ran to touch Sorreltail once more. Sorreltail blinked, smiling softly as her muzzle touched Brackenfur's one last time. "See you soon, my love," she purred, before turning to pad off into the swirling vortex that consumed the StarClan bound cats.

Brackenfur laid down, his eyes closed, obviously remembering his fallen mate.

"Come, kits," Graystripe meowed, gathering his neices. "Take a long nap, kits. You'll be seeing Sorreltail tonight, I promise."


End file.
